Dream Journal

I had a discussion in chat awhile ago about dreams and recurring themes. I thought it was interesting, so I decided to start a dream journal. I meant to do this a week ago. But as soon as I wanted to start journaling my dreams, the bloody things seemed to evade my memory. I remembered the one from last night, though! So here goes... Take a step into my unconscious mind if you dare...

My family and I were living in an apartment in a large city. It was rather dingy, and we apparently owned the whole building. Across the street and slightly to the right was a junk yard. The buildings are all 5 to 6 stories and built side-to-side. So it was like they took one of the apartments and stacked a bunch of smashed cars alongside the walls. Anyway... Nikki and I heard shouting and other such bothersome noises coming from this junkyard. We sat by the window with binoculars and watched. I saw people screaming and running for dear life. But they weren't fast enough. They were caught and literally crushed by the Juggernaut. There were body parts and pools of blood everywhere. After all was said and dead, I saw this man-poltergeist fellow walk out of the rubble. Nikki told me to stop spying and hide, but I didn't listen. I was too fascinated by the carnage. But then he looked up at me and started walking toward our building. By the way, the Juggernaut is one of the antagonists from the film Thirteen Ghosts. If you haven't seen it, he's this fellow...



We heard knocking coming from somewhere downstairs and realized he was in the apartment. Panic set in at that point. We rushed to get the kids and tried to sneak downstairs. The atmosphere was most unnerving. It looked less like a liveable apartment and more like an abandoned building that would probably be overrun by drug addicts at some point in the near future. The wall paper was covered in mould and mildew. The carpet was stained. There were pieces of plywood nailed over holes in the wall.

We ran through a hallway and saw an apparition of him appear behind us. I ran and didn't look back, but I could hear the knocking and footsteps behind us. We made it to the van. It was old and worn like the building. But it worked. We all climbed in and got the hell out without dying. And for some odd reason, Dexter's step-daughter (from the show Dexter) was also with us at one point. During our escape, we were stopped by six or so cops on the highway, and some were in civilian attire and unmarked vehicles. I was leery about stopping, and I made sure the Juggernaut wasn't among them before I stopped. I don't remember the conversation, but he let us go. We then drove to the country where we encountered a bridge with two train tracks on either side. Both lights started to flash. I got the sense of the Big Bad after us, so I ran both of them, nearly getting us all killed. I got this feeling of relief. I was just going to run with my family forever and never go back. There was just open road and I was free.

And then the dream started over again. I was in the apartment with my wife looking out the window. But instead of just the Juggernaut emerging from the rubble, there were a horde of evil monstrous ghosts (a few from the aforementioned film, but most were completely made up). They all came toward our apartment and surrounded it. As soon as I thought of one escape, I saw or heard a monster/ghost coming. I bolted through the maze of hallways (all buildings and roads are mazes in dreamworld), leaving my family behind. I reasoned that I would go back with help, but I knew it would be too late. I tried to break through one of the pieces of plywood which led to the adjacent apartment building (which I also apparently owned). The monster/ghosts were closing in. I could feel them behind me. And then I woke up.

Wow, Michael, that was quite a nightmare. Your brain was pulling together some movies and probably some issues that you have been dealing with lately. That is what our brains often do while we sleep. I think it is amazing myself, our brains can process in some very unusual ways. It is interesting how your brain presented two different versions, one where you break free with all your family and one where only you break free, want to bring or help your family as well but for some reason you can't. Then you wake up with no real resolve. What you could have done is go back to sleep and make a dream decision, that is where you go back and can change your dream and you outsmart the bad guys and DO rescue your family and break free.

You do own your mind Michael, you can force file solutions sometimes.

The dream can represent something that could be saved and something that could not be saved. It could mean that there was something bad that happened in your past that you could not change and yet you managed to move on.

Sometimes when I have those vivid dreams, and I do dream in great detail with vivid colors, I try to remember the dream and think about it. Often I can see where my brain used certain movies or even commercial tibits or various charectors to make up the dream. Then after I think about it I can see that my brain was actually problem solving and trying different things out. I think our brains do that while we sleep, what images should be kept and can be useful, and what images are garbage.

Our brains are so amazing.

Open Eyes

I don't think it really counts as a nightmare. I get a faint sense of anxiety or adrenaline while dreaming, but I never wake up afraid. And all of my dreams are rife with hostility and conflict, usually involving some evil presence. I think it's just me. This last one was actually pretty tame... And I didn't escape in the end of version 2. Perhaps my unconscious mind is reminding me that I fare better with people I trust and die when I try to make it on my own. Nikki's warning, which I stupidly ignored, stuck out to me. If I listened to her, the whole thing could've been avoided... But then it just wouldn't be one of my dreams if there was no conflict or Big Bad after me.

Dream 2... I am not myself in this dream. I created some alter ego who was a brunette spec op soldier, taller than me. But I'll still use "I" to avoid confusion. My comrades, three other soldiers, and I were running through the tree tops. I'm not entirely sure how we achieved this, but the trees were close enough together that we seemed to be able to maneuver through them quite easily. We came to a tattered wooden walking bridge and crossed it without hesitation. In retrospect, we probably shouldn't have. The wood looked like it would deteriorate any second. There was a path to our right on a steep slope. We heard enemies coming, at least 40. So we crouched by the slope and waited for them to pass. They caught us... They were just a few feet overhead, so they would've been blind not to. I've no idea why my dream self thought that would work. But, as noted in my last dream, I have a tendency to make foolish risks which inevitably lead to my demise.

Anyway... Our captors took us to an undisclosed location. While we were being "interrogated", I managed to escape unseen, only to find a maze of depressingly bleak cement-clad hallways, complete with dripping ominous pipes on the ceiling. There were rooms, though, filled with junk and people (some enemies, some civilians). I was in an orange jumpsuit, so I had to be sneaky. I eventually came to a long room with benches on the right side and large, doorless lockers on the left. And there were a few people coming and going. When no one was watching, I hid in one of the lockers behind the jackets and that. They were filled with enemy uniforms, so I put one on. I walked through the next room where enemy recruits were being trained, somehow managing not to be spotted. I ran upstairs and found out I was being held in the underbelly of a football stadium. There was a game going on and the stadium was filled with people. There were sections of the stadium which had fancy dining tables instead of seats. After some searching, I found someone I seemed to recognize. There was a steak platter waiting for me on the table. For some reason, this didn't strike me as odd, so I took a seat and started to eat. I never figured out who she was or why she was there, but she was attractive. And she must've been an enemy spy, because I was soon surrounded by angry men with guns. Absolutely no one noticed. The woman continued eating. The fans continued watching the game and cheering madly. And I was about to be shot. And then I woke up.

Maybe I was the bad guy in this one. Throughout the dream, I got the impression that I was a rather clandestine individual lacking in moral values. Point in case, I abandoned my comrades to save my own ***. And we never really had that sense of comradery to begin with.

Hi, Michael, thank you for sharing your dream!

If it were my dream, I'd be thinking about how I had been watching other people (instead of doing something in my own apartment) and how I ran from the first guy and the result of that was that multiple scary sorts came after me.

If it were my dream, I would decide I was really afraid of something "out there" and not confronting my fears such that they feel they can multiply on me. I feel repeating themes or dreams happen because we don't take the individual dream seriously and "accept" its message so the message has to be sent stronger or again, until we do. I know when I started working with my dreams in therapy, there were more dreams but they made more sense to me and were more helpful because my unconscious saw I was working with them, trying to use them to help me.

All the images in dreams are our own and mean something to us (rather than someone else). A monster in your dream means something different than a monster in mine. I know a lot of dream imagery can come from what we have personally done, seen, thought about, read, etc. the previous day but that is personal also; I do not watch horror movies so the Juggernaut in my dream would mean something different than it does to you; were I to dream of him/It

tonight, it might be about reading your dream but it might also be about this, my answer to your post! Only I would be able to figure that out, what it meant to me.

Well, Perna is right about our dreams being personal to us and the images representing things that may have a different meaning to someone else.

It seems like you dream in color because you described the orange jumpsuit. Have you watched any ball games lately? As I mentioned it is amazing where our brains can pull images together and present us with stories. So far the dreams you present are all about you running. And what is the Big Bad after you? Do you really think it is yourself? Well, you have been trying to understand how to understand others a lot lately. You do have a sense that your somehow type cast by society. But your intelligent Michael, how can you reconstruct your dreams? We can do that you know.

Perhaps if you worked your intellect differently, productively, problem solving in other areas, set your brain not on destruct, but construct mode. In your first dream you took chances but you got to a big open road ahead of you, that is the beginning of construct. But then you went back and ended up with destruct, perhaps because that is something you feel you deserve, that open road ahead of you was too open? How can you fill that? You don't know yet so you go back to destruct. Some of that may be social limitation set upon you, that may be the bad guy, but it doesn't have to be that way. And just so you know, your not alone in finding yourself running in dreams or even coming to some kind of bad ending but waking up. All kinds of people can dream those dreams when they haven't quite found their way yet for some reason.

I don't know you well, but you do have intellect, that can fill that open road, intellect can do many things.

Open Eyes

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Originally Posted by Perna

Hi, Michael, thank you for sharing your dream!

You're very welcome. I hope you enjoyed it.

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If it were my dream, I'd be thinking about how I had been watching other people (instead of doing something in my own apartment) and how I ran from the first guy and the result of that was that multiple scary sorts came after me.

What do you mean by that? What should I be paying attention to?

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I feel repeating themes or dreams happen because we don't take the individual dream seriously and "accept" its message so the message has to be sent stronger or again, until we do.

I'm starting to see that. In all of my dreams, I'm being chased or threatened by something. Everything is hostile. I always just assumed that was the normal dreaming experience. But the more I pay attention to them, the more I see recurring themes. This is the first time I've ever had the same dream repeat itself, though, and in the same REM cycle. It was odd... But that's partly why I've started a dream journal. It might help me remember my dreams and recognise the themes.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It seems like you dream in color because you described the orange jumpsuit.

Indeed, I do. Sometimes in brilliant colour, with elaborate architecture in shimmering gold. Other times, it's quite dull or dark, especially when zombies are involved.

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Have you watched any ball games lately?

Nope. I do my best to avoid them. And I haven't seen Thirteen Ghosts in years. Imagine that...

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So far the dreams you present are all about you running. And what is the Big Bad after you? Do you really think it is yourself?

In those specific dreams or all dreams in general? In those last two, they were the Juggernaut and the enemy soldiers. I didn't learn a lot about the soldiers; I just knew they were after me. In general, they can range from tornadoes to zombies. But in many dreams, there really is no tangent Big Bad. There's an unnerving atmosphere, a sense of something after me, but I never really see what it is.

I've only had one dream where I was most definitely the Big Bad. I was some sort of evil ghost haunting several of my friends and other people I made up while they were staying in this dilapidated house. There have been dreams in which I was, according to film logic, the "villain", simply due to my goal or actions in the dream. But I'm always the protagonist, and there's always something or someone coming to get me.

So, no, they aren't technically me. But I guess, since it's all my mind's creation, isn't everything in the dream me in a way?

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But your intelligent Michael, how can you reconstruct your dreams? We can do that you know.

Can we? I've heard of lucid dreaming. Supposedly, we can control the outcome of the dream. But I've never been able to achieve it. Even when I'm nearly awake and realize I'm dreaming, I still can't seem to control what happens.

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In your first dream you took chances but you got to a big open road ahead of you, that is the beginning of construct. But then you went back and ended up with destruct, perhaps because that is something you feel you deserve, that open road ahead of you was too open?

Curiouser and curiouser... I felt so relieved, though, when I was on the road. I could do anything. It's one of my recurring fantasies (conscious thoughts, not dreams). Shirking responsibility and so forth. I'm not sure why, but there's something appealing about it. It's a psychopath thing... Maybe you're right in that I wouldn't know what to do with myself after the fact. I can never just be content. I need a bit of chaos. Maybe my dreams are just giving me exactly what I need...

I'll see how the next one goes...